Golden Gate Bridge tamed by my fingers

http://90daysinsf.blogspot.com/

When small and Large change roles / Golden Gate Bridge tamed by my fingers

This journey is starting to feel increasingly real... I have just purchased my travel insurance.

So another beginning is just around the corner..
Soon I shall touch Golden Gate Bridge and cycle from Mission to Dolores Park for a morning Yoga Practice. (Oh how optimistic.. will I really do this in the foggy, chilly San Francisco, still sleepy pre-sunrise, mornings? - well.. Why not? But I may look out for some thermals to help the internal fires firing up on the way to the park. Curiously I can already picture the post practice juice in the nearby Cafe so much easier than the practice itself, now why would that be..??)

Then what about middles and endings? Well I will save this for another more reflective time. Until soon my new friends. Stay warm or cool depending on where you are.

when doing right is maybe equally wrong

Today I caught a thief in the street, who stole from my small struggling local grocery store.. While I held onto him and he returned his bounty I started to feel sad. Pathetic thin pretend-down jacket that he will likely hope will keep him warm this winter. A man in poverty and I caught him stealing. I don't feel good about myself at all. 

I cycled after him as soon as I could get away from the cheers of the shop worker, who called me superwoman and shouted "thief" and "shame" after the thief.. I tried to find him to give him £2. I think he could have used it even more than me. Being as short of money as I was in the last 5 months has really realigned my comprehension of 'not having'. 

Feel sad that I caught a thief and grabbed his jacket, so he couldn't escape a second time. 

:(

It doesn't matter how deep into a posture you go - 

what does matter is who you are when you get there. 

~Max Strom

one step closer to San Francisco today

At last I finally purchased my flight tickets! All was well until the moment I was prompted to select my return flight, the heart undertook a distinct thud landing. Heavy feelings predicting the way we both will feel as I step through security, leaving the other half behind in America while I board the plane to England. I just know how it will feel for sunny J. to sit on the public transport without me and I won't feel much happier flying in the wrong direction..

So it took me an infinitely long time to arrange my flights and select which felt like they might be good dates. Difficult. And right at the end United Airlines didn't accept Paypal after all. I did all this research and found their page where they are so proud of offering paypal payment options. Nonsense. It was nowhere to be found when I looked for it. So my poor squealing credit card had to stand in once more.

Now I have my ticket. Finally there is a clear schedule! I will relax as soon as I have booked my travel insurance. The silliest things have the power to stop one from flying. So I would like to be prepared just in case. And taking a trip to America without travel insurance would be pure madness anyway.

the winds are changing / change of direction

And today I stood up for myself. In a way that I had not dared to in 4 years. It is a little too early to report the details but I have a feeling that maybe now I can get my voice back. I have never before felt as voiceless as I did in the past 4 years. When I began a particular journey I began it with a strong voice, I was shaken from another life event, but I felt that I had a confident voice that was worth hearing.

I emerged from the journey that I had embarked upon muted, whimpering, voiceless. And it has been a mystery to me where my voice went, why I couldn't retrieve it, why I lost the strong path I had chosen for myself. With my voice I lost vision, too. Perhaps there are some among you who are familiar with the curious phenomenon of when you can not find your glasses and try to have a conversation while your eyes just can not really focus.. And for inexplicable reasons, it should be the opposite, but you just can not hear properly, you can't concentrate on the sounds and you can't focus your mind. All because of the absence of your spectacles that have helped you find the vision in your life.. It is always a huge relief when I relocate these absentee glasses..

Why it might be that I lost my vision as well as my voice? I am not sure exactly, I have theories, but I will leave these to mature a while and write more in another post. Have you ever lost your voice or vision? I would love to hear a little about your feelings and musings. Please be welcomed to post in the comments section.